The Other Mother

On this Mother's Day, I have been thinking of the mother I have become. I think of the person who grew from who I was, into who I am now, and the lessons my children have taught me. I also think of my own mother, and her profound influence on my life, in good times and in not so good times. I wonder what it is like to have a daughter who is a mother. I hope to know someday. My daughter is only seven years old, so I hope it isn't for a while, but I hope to have that experience.

My children have tried to appreciate me today by not arguing or complaining. It has been awesome. I have loved the tranquility. The few spats have quickly diffused. All four of them have done precious and wonderful things on their own for me.

However, on Mother's Day especially, I think of another mother. My daughter Daisy is from China. She was adopted when she was 18 months old. I wonder what her birth mother thinks? I wonder if she thinks about Daisy daily. I wonder how she could endure the terrible pain of being forced to give up her newborn baby. Often the abandonment of baby girls is forced by the father, or the father's family. The population control policies in China have influenced the practice of abandoning baby girls, and special needs children. Often, the abandoned babies are not first children. So, not only does Daisy have a birth mother in China, it is likely she has an older sister as well. She will not be able to track her family of origin because leaving her was a crime, so they will never be identified. It is a tragedy to lose a child. It is also a tragedy to lose a mother. I imagine the grief lasts forever.

But, I also hope that somewhere in her heart, Daisy's other mother, and the other mothers of all the children who are given up for adoption know that their babies are loved and cherished; and adoptive mothers are so grateful to those with the courage to part with their babies, creating other families. I hope that they feel the gratitude and the love we have for them, and the children they have allowed us to mother.

So, mothers, give your babies a hug. Children, give your mothers a hug. Appreciate that bond that never will go away. Even if our mothers (and babies) are not physically present, the bond is forever. Happy Mother's Day.