Saying Goodbye, with Intention, to 2011

This evening, as the sun was setting on the eve of 2012, I decided I needed to do something formal to mark the end of 2011. So, I rallied my children, and we all headed to do a labyrinth walk at my favorite labyrinth on the University of St. Thomas campus.

I walk this labyrinth New Year’s Day every year, but this time, I felt like I needed to leave behind, before I could start fresh. The first thing I noticed was an overwhelming scent of roses. The rose bushes around the labyrinth had not been trimmed, and there were many, many blooms past their prime, withering, and releasing an unbelievable sweet scent. Upon a closer look, there were some fresh buds also, but the ending roses were far more plentiful than the beginning.

There was a family sitting on the far side, on a bench. There was a nursing baby. After the baby was finished, the Dad walked around with the baby boy. He was a tiny newborn, not more than a few days old…a promise of a life to be lived, surrounded by the love of his parents and grandparents now, and many others in the future. Seeing that promise of the future was very palpable to me as I walked on the winding path of the stone labyrinth.

I needed to acknowledge a challenging year for me, then tomorrow look to the future. So, with intention, what did I want to leave behind, in the sunset of 2011? Several things, in fact.

First, I leave behind some health struggles of the past year. I have made great progress on adapting my life to my current physical abilities, but I will focus on taking care of myself as a real priority in the coming year.

Second, I leave behind financial stress. I know my needs will be met. I know I am secure. Money is not worth the stress I have allowed it cause in my life.

Third, I leave behind strained relationships. I work to improve important difficult relationships, and not let issues bother me so much when my efforts to improve relationships fail.

2011 wasn’t all bad. I’m grateful, even for the struggles, because through the struggles I have grown. I am eternally grateful that we all walked away with only minor bumps and bruises from a major car accident in the spring. I am grateful that we have a comfortable vehicle to replace the one we lost. There have been many good times too, with good friends, with my family, and even in my reclaimed yoga practice, meditation, and even occasionally pampering myself. I made a few new friends. I reconnected with old friends. I started a new job.

I am very grateful for my job. I love my work. I love the people with whom I am working. I love the flexibility. This job completely fell from the sky. It came when a door in my life slammed shut at the beginning of last year. The door to the new job could not have opened with out that event. If a door closes, another will open. Or at least there will be a window to crawl through, to what comes next.

The support I have received from friends and family is another source of extreme gratitude. I am fortunate to have so many people who care about me. I have enjoyed volunteer work this year. I’m not on a path to save the world, but I did find small ways to give back to my community, and that always makes me feel good.

My children have grown, matured, struggled, triumphed, needed me, pushed me away, laughed, cried; shared happiness, excitement, anger, and frustration. I got to be here for all of it. They are indeed, four amazing people. I am so proud of them, and hope they are proud of themselves.

#1 has applied to colleges, and already been accepted, with some scholarship money, to several. He is a huge help to me, and to others.

#2 adjusted beautifully to high school. After being in a school that was like a family for middle school, he is thriving in a public academic high school environment.

#3 played baseball, soccer, and joined scouts. He is thriving at his new school, and is once again the child I knew for the first several years of his life, before school struggles beat him down so far. He is happy and musical again.

#4 loves dance, is adjusting well to her new school, and continues to be a social butterfly, a nurturer, and a ready helper.

And I, their mother, am grateful.

I discovered a lot about myself as a writer this year. I took an essay writing class. I submitted 2 pieces for publication. I wrote over 37,000 words in the month of November. I learned a lot about my process, my inspiration, and the power of setting goals.

Finally though, 2011 ends for me with the beginning of a solution to another fairly significant health issue, some disappointments, the promise of a wonderful new friendship, four happy children, and an eye toward improvement in 2012.

Light and New

I began this new morning of the new year the way I have for the last 4 years or so, with a walking meditation at a labyrinth near my home. Each year it is a completely different experience from any before. Today was no different. Walking a labyrinth is a journey that can reveal much, if you open your eyes and ears, and observe.

The weather of late has matched my demeanor. This has been a tough few months, health, loss of 2 dear friends, drama in many different parts of my life, and me turning inward and feeling stuck. It has been either very cold, or warm and muggy, cloudy, and decidedly not spectacular. Today, though, I woke to see the clouds blowing away, and the sparkling blue and bright sun peaking through.

It was quiet at the labyrinth. Much more so than usual. My friend Sheron and I were the only people there for the whole hour. The sounds were the fountains and the wind. And the quiet serenity. It was warming and the sun was bright, the air clear and clean. As I began my walk, I realized that my jeans legs were too long and were dragging. It was bothering me. I stopped, rolled them up and continued. The first thought--I can remove any obstacles that are in the way of my forward movement. Wow, that was in the first few steps! Then, I realized that for a few moments, Sheron and I were walking along side by side, on different parts of the path. Sometimes, I will have a friend or companion, and sometimes I will be alone. Both ways, I can keep moving forward. Wow again.

I slowly made my way to the middle, and in my journey, I felt myself calming, releasing, and focusing. One word kept coming to me, purpose. Purpose. I know that is the word I must focus on this year, because when I was thinking about anything, the word purpose kept relating to all my thoughts.

Once in the middle of the labyrinth, I stopped to stand for a moment. In each of the petals in the middle, I focused on one specific thing that is important to me...Family, Health, Focus and Intention, Happiness and Joy, Prosperity and Success, Peace and Serenity. Then, I stepped back to the middle, and the word that was so pervasive at that moment was Love. I felt love. I felt clear, unblocked, and light.

On my journey along the path out from the center, I felt my strength and focus, and optimism returning like a flood, blowing back to me on the breeze. The labyrinth was surrounded by beautiful roses. I stopped to smell them, and during the year to come, I plan to do a lot more of that sort of thing...stop to notice the beauty that is always around me.

I changed the signature line on my email after several years. Now it is a Mother Teresa quote, "Peace begins with a smile." Peace in the world, and peace within. Peace in 2011.