Light and New

I began this new morning of the new year the way I have for the last 4 years or so, with a walking meditation at a labyrinth near my home. Each year it is a completely different experience from any before. Today was no different. Walking a labyrinth is a journey that can reveal much, if you open your eyes and ears, and observe.

The weather of late has matched my demeanor. This has been a tough few months, health, loss of 2 dear friends, drama in many different parts of my life, and me turning inward and feeling stuck. It has been either very cold, or warm and muggy, cloudy, and decidedly not spectacular. Today, though, I woke to see the clouds blowing away, and the sparkling blue and bright sun peaking through.

It was quiet at the labyrinth. Much more so than usual. My friend Sheron and I were the only people there for the whole hour. The sounds were the fountains and the wind. And the quiet serenity. It was warming and the sun was bright, the air clear and clean. As I began my walk, I realized that my jeans legs were too long and were dragging. It was bothering me. I stopped, rolled them up and continued. The first thought--I can remove any obstacles that are in the way of my forward movement. Wow, that was in the first few steps! Then, I realized that for a few moments, Sheron and I were walking along side by side, on different parts of the path. Sometimes, I will have a friend or companion, and sometimes I will be alone. Both ways, I can keep moving forward. Wow again.

I slowly made my way to the middle, and in my journey, I felt myself calming, releasing, and focusing. One word kept coming to me, purpose. Purpose. I know that is the word I must focus on this year, because when I was thinking about anything, the word purpose kept relating to all my thoughts.

Once in the middle of the labyrinth, I stopped to stand for a moment. In each of the petals in the middle, I focused on one specific thing that is important to me...Family, Health, Focus and Intention, Happiness and Joy, Prosperity and Success, Peace and Serenity. Then, I stepped back to the middle, and the word that was so pervasive at that moment was Love. I felt love. I felt clear, unblocked, and light.

On my journey along the path out from the center, I felt my strength and focus, and optimism returning like a flood, blowing back to me on the breeze. The labyrinth was surrounded by beautiful roses. I stopped to smell them, and during the year to come, I plan to do a lot more of that sort of thing...stop to notice the beauty that is always around me.

I changed the signature line on my email after several years. Now it is a Mother Teresa quote, "Peace begins with a smile." Peace in the world, and peace within. Peace in 2011.

Focus

Last Sunday, a group of local alumni from my college took a pot-luck dinner to a group of students and staff who had come down from Pennsylvania on their winter break to do some recovery work from Hurricane Ike. It has been 16 months since the storm and there is still plenty of work to be done. It was a fun evening, hearing stories, meeting students, and sharing our experiences in college, and memories from our own hurricane experiences.

Monday I went to my liver doctor for a follow up, during which the "transplant" word was discussed, and then got a call from my neurologist, who told me he had "interesting news." Interesting is not usually a good thing with my health. This was the beginning of a VERY intense week in the health saga. I saw a lot of doctors, had a lot of tests, and there is more fun yet to come. Sometimes things get so intense it is hard to know which crisis deserves to be front and center in my focus.

Tuesday a catastrophic earthquake hit in Haiti. My focus immediately shifted away from my own nonsense. Hundreds of thousands of people could be dead or die as a result of this horrific event. So, instantly nothing in my life seems bad at all, because there are these thousands of people experiencing unimaginable horrors in a very acute situation.Haiti is in crisis mode, but even after the initial intensity passes, the lives of these people have changed forever. The road back to "normal" will not be an easy straight path, but a winding and rocky one. Even if the people are not themselves injured, they have lost their homes, family members, friends, livelihood, truly, lost their lives as they have know them. Things will never be the same.

In Galveston, Hurricane Ike left physical destruction that can be measured, and assessed, and repaired, but there is also an emotional toll that can't be quantified. The fact that the Catastrophic Relief Alliance from Franklin and Marshall College, last week, were doing framing and dry wall on a hurricane damaged house 16 months later speaks to how long the physical recovery takes. What about the psychological repairs?

Everyone is mobilizing to provide immediate aid to Haiti to deal with the acute needs for food, medicine, water are being addressed by an international community. However, there will be a need for a long time to come.

A friend posted this on her Facebook status this week: (Thanks, Sara!)
"Taking the time to help others...helps to take the focus off of personal circumstances and redirects that focus in a more positive way..."

In thinking about ways to help the people in Haiti, while being reminded that there are still people in my own back yard in Galveston, Texas who need help, and that there are willing and generous volunteers to provide help and support has completely shifted my focus from my own health saga to how can I help others get through these very difficult times.

Interestingly enough, there may be a way that the group from my college does some fund raising to send aid to Haiti, and I may be able to help them with a coordinated effort here. So, yes, I have been distracted and busy this week, but not because of my medical needs. Instead I am focusing on how I can help others, even while I rely on others to help me in some ways.

I have also been awe-struck this week at the willingness of people to jump in and help me with driving, medical appointments...my mom even came in from Austin to help for a day. I have such great support, and I am always so grateful for this. I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Twenty Ten

On the first morning of the new year, I have a tradition of meeting a few friends to walk the labyrinth at The University of St. Thomas, near my house, and begin the year with a meditative quiet moment, to help me focus. I love this labyrinth because it is beautiful, and peaceful, and it is surrounded by rose bushes. I think this works very well for me, because just 10 days or so before, I spent some time on the winter solstice thinking about my goals for the coming months. I have had some time to ruminate on my thoughts, and this tradition helps me move forward on a clear path into the future.

In the past, the labyrinth has always represented a path, the path of my life, and my focus has been to just stay on my path, no matter how it twists and turns--there have been a lot of twists and turns--as long as I stay on the path, I will find my way to the goal. It has worked. I have navigated some incredible things in the last few years, and managed to get through the challenges, still on course.

However, this year, I noticed something different. I have walked this particular labyrinth many times, not just on new year's day, and never been so struck by the fountains. There are 3 fountains at one end of the labyrinth, and they shoot up, and return, sort of cycling through, and returning to reuse the same water. It is like turning and returning, as in the labyrinth walk itself. The fountains were the most significant thing, throughout the 30 minutes or so of walking. I heard the water, rushing, flowing, turning, returning. I watched the water. I smiled, because I have felt much more like my life is going with the flow lately, than staying on the path. This metaphor found a way to appear in my clear consciousness this morning.

I also was aware, during the walk, of passing other people who were also enjoying the labyrinth on this beautiful, clear, cold, sunny morning. It was a reminder that I don't walk alone. The smile or nod of a stranger, the hand of a friend, are always there, and will reach out to me, if I am willing to look up.

After walking we talked for a short time. The fountains were striking, not only to me this year. There are 3 fountains, and to the 5 of us the fountains symbolized: "I am, I can, I will" "Past, Present, Future" "Body, Mind, Spirit" "Faith, Hope, Love" among others. Then, because we were all freezing, we headed off to have coffee, and get warm.

So when people ask me how I started this decade, I will say, walking a path, listening to water flowing with friends, on a beautiful peaceful morning, surrounded by roses.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving weekend is dwindling. There are only a few hours remaining of what was a lovely time spent with good friends, good food, lots of laughter, and lovely children. It isn't as if those things don't go on in my life anyway, they do. However, this weekend was minimal work and maximum enjoyment and reflection.

I am so grateful for the abundance in my life. Friends, family, fun things to do, interesting things to see, and so much luxury. I'm not a financially wealthy person, but if my wealth is measured by these other things, I am one of the richest people on the face of the earth.

November draws to a close. I didn't write the Great American Novel this month, but I did start this blog. I was fired from a job, creating new opportunities. I did not get a job I really wanted, but upon reflection, I need to spend some time in reflection. It is good I didn't launch into a new full time job just now. I worked hard, teaching, organizing, doing and wrapping up my (almost) former job, struggling with my health, questioning some relationships. November was busy. And intense.

This weekend began a time of reflection for me. I plan to spend the month of December working enough to support us, myself and my children, writing as much as possible on this blog, and reflecting. I've faced challenges my whole life. All of us have to one degree or another. This weekend I am clear that it is time to reflect and see where my focus needs to be.

It seems that for the last few years, my focus has been on whatever fire is burning brightest right in front of me. I'm ready to be proactive again. I will be able to keep the fires at bay with the flow of consciousness that is beginning to form in my mind. Consciousness provides clarity and focus. What are my biggest obstacles? Fatigue, doubt, and fear. (Thanks, Suzanne!) Somehow, stating them makes them seem like smaller obstacles. Except for the fatigue.

So, as the winter solstice approaches, I'm going to use the long winter nights to do some reflecting, some focusing of my efforts, some mindfulness, and spend some time with my gratitude for all the wonderful people and things that flow through my life every day.