Release

I have had the opportunity recently to practice what I preach, so to speak. I am always suggesting to my children to try to understand another person's point of view, and to also know that you don't ever know a person's back story. You don't know what has happened in a person's experience to shape them as a person, or even to influence their actions at a certain point in time.

Yesterday, I was the recipient of a venomous attack by a very close relative. It was intended to be hurtful, and it was. I won't say that it came out of nowhere, because it seemed like it almost always smolders under the surface of his dealings with me. I know that I did not deserve to be attacked like I was, but it still was very hurtful. My initial reaction was shock, then hurt, then anger, then came sadness. I am happy to say that there was no guilty feeling, which is a big improvement from the way I have perceived things in the past.

I walked around feeling so angry for a large part of the day. Anger always leaves me feeling a little bewildered. I do question myself (without guilt) honestly to see if I did anything leading up to this attack which warranted it. Actually, nothing warrants this sort of behavior, but not everyone feels that way. I was cogitating on how to respond, or if to respond. Finally, I decided to respond.

My response was very much from the heart. I explained my perspective, calmly and rationally. I also explained that the only really important thing to me was to spend time with people I love, and those people included the attacker and his family. I also said that I didn't really understand where his anger was coming from, but that I didn't deserve to bear the brunt of it. I know he must be very angry, or hurt, or frightened, or jealous about something, or there is something going on in his life that I don't know about or understand that might cause him to act in such a way. I also know that I can't change what he perceives. I do know though, that I can change how I react.

So, I chose to react and respond honestly and as gracefully as possible. I am sure it won't change his actions, but hopefully he can come to understand that there is no intention of malice on my part. I felt so much better after my response. My anger fizzled into nothing. I am not feeling hurt, because I have chosen not to take his attack personally. I am still sad that he has chosen to remove himself and his family from a gathering we had planned, and maybe from my life entirely for right now, but I also know that I will enjoy the family who does participate in the gathering. The release of my anger and hurt, and the change in my perspective--the view from where I sit, is what makes the difference.

No one can control the actions of another, but we can all control, albeit with some practice, how we react. So, here's to healthy perspectives on family (and other) relationships.