Mothers

"Can you have a crush on your mother?" This was a question posed to me by a dear friend who lost her mother last week. "Because if you can, I definitely did," she continued, "I could never get enough of her." Her mother was a lovely woman. Her children, in trying to describe her in a single word, used the word "joy." My own memories of her are of a lovely woman, always the most gracious, smiling, nurturing, non-judgmental, happy flurry of activity. People craved spending time with her because you felt like you were the most important person in the universe when you were with her. The world is different because Mrs. Craft is not here.

We don't all have this mother. Some of us take care of our mothers. For some, this is a life long relationship, mothering our mothers. I have friends who are in this role. For some of us, this happens only later in life. Some of us never have the opportunity to mother our mothers. Some of us have very stormy relationships with our mothers, and some have no relationship at all.

As a mother, and as a daughter, I can say with certainty that most mothers want nothing more than the absolute best for their children. Love, happiness, health, peace, success, a life of ease, and passion for your chosen path...these would be many of my wishes for my own children. I know that my mother has similar wishes for me.

I can imagine how scary it is when you have a child who has serious life issues--illness, abuse, loss of a livelihood, spouse, or a child. The fear of losing a child is the worst fear I've ever experienced. As a mother, you just want to fix it. You don't want your baby to suffer. How do you react as a mother if something happens to your baby, even if your baby is a successful adult? I would think that everyone has a different reaction, with the same goal. Some mothers would likely step in and silently take care of everything. Some mothers would probably create a sense of learned helplessness, "you are sick, you can't possibly do this." Some would completely disappear, overwhelmed. And then there are those who keep pushing their children as if there is nothing different happening.

Having had chronic illness almost my whole life, I have my mother to thank, at least in part, for my attitude that my illness is not an excuse for anything. There is no way that my illness was ever allowed to be used as a reason for lack of success. Sometimes I need help, and it is given. Sometimes I want help and I don't get exactly what I want from my mother. However, I am always grateful for the help I am given. I am thankful that I have a mother who cares so much. And, I am eternally grateful for my attitude. I am thankful that I have my mother. Several of my friends recently have lost their mothers. I think that no matter what age you are when this happens, you must feel like an orphan.

I wonder how my children perceive me? Do they think I take care of them, or they take care of me? Will this be different when they are grown? As a mother, I am always refining what I do as a parent. I am always learning how to be a better mother. My children are my teachers, my role models are my teachers, my mother is my teacher, my grandmothers were my teachers. Motherhood is a journey. I hope that as a mother, my children have the same perception of me as the children of Mrs. Craft do. Like a good vacation, or a great book, you never quite want the journey to end..."Mother leaves us wanting just a little bit more."