I will be the first to admit it, I am a bit of a Pollyanna. Maybe even more than a bit. Today I got some more health news that is not so great. I guess a focus for this blog could easily be my health concerns and how I deal with them--live with them. Since that is at the forefront right now, here we go. Buckle your seat belts, it s a bumpy ride.
To quote my oncologist today, at my 5 year, "Yay! I'm cured!" appointment, he said, "You've hit another speed bump. You hit a lot of speed bumps."
Yes. I do.
Today's speed bump, and this is an ironic analogy, is that I should not be driving any more. This has nothing at all to do with being a 5 year cancer SURVIVOR (yay!) I also saw my new liver specialst today. I spend more time than I would like to in doctor's offices, though my doctors are all lovely people--I would rather see them socially than in their offices.
Back to the not driving... You see, I have been diagnosed with Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. It is a bile duct disease that causes cirrhosis of the liver. It is most common in people with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. I have had Crohn's Disease since 1970. The reason for not driving is that my brain is a little fuzzy and slow because of the toxins that my liver can't properly filter as well any more.
So, what do I do with that? Wow. I am a professional organizer. I do a lot of driving in my job. I am also a single parent. Of four children. Yup. A BIG lifestyle change is going to happen in short order.
The other thing my liver doctor said is that I should just go on living my life. Stay active, stay involved. That is very good news. I am active and involved, even when I don't feel great. I would miss my life if I just couch potatoed it when I don't feel well. So, life goes on.
The bright side? Yes, there is always a bright side....This is the one that popped into my mind shortly after my visit with the liver doctor--I won't have to insure a second car when my 16 year old son gets his driver's license! I will save buckets of money by only having one vehicle with him being an "occasional" driver.
Oh, and I am a cancer SURVIVOR now. Did I mention that?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Giving Thanks
Thanksgiving weekend is dwindling. There are only a few hours remaining of what was a lovely time spent with good friends, good food, lots of laughter, and lovely children. It isn't as if those things don't go on in my life anyway, they do. However, this weekend was minimal work and maximum enjoyment and reflection.
I am so grateful for the abundance in my life. Friends, family, fun things to do, interesting things to see, and so much luxury. I'm not a financially wealthy person, but if my wealth is measured by these other things, I am one of the richest people on the face of the earth.
November draws to a close. I didn't write the Great American Novel this month, but I did start this blog. I was fired from a job, creating new opportunities. I did not get a job I really wanted, but upon reflection, I need to spend some time in reflection. It is good I didn't launch into a new full time job just now. I worked hard, teaching, organizing, doing and wrapping up my (almost) former job, struggling with my health, questioning some relationships. November was busy. And intense.
This weekend began a time of reflection for me. I plan to spend the month of December working enough to support us, myself and my children, writing as much as possible on this blog, and reflecting. I've faced challenges my whole life. All of us have to one degree or another. This weekend I am clear that it is time to reflect and see where my focus needs to be.
It seems that for the last few years, my focus has been on whatever fire is burning brightest right in front of me. I'm ready to be proactive again. I will be able to keep the fires at bay with the flow of consciousness that is beginning to form in my mind. Consciousness provides clarity and focus. What are my biggest obstacles? Fatigue, doubt, and fear. (Thanks, Suzanne!) Somehow, stating them makes them seem like smaller obstacles. Except for the fatigue.
So, as the winter solstice approaches, I'm going to use the long winter nights to do some reflecting, some focusing of my efforts, some mindfulness, and spend some time with my gratitude for all the wonderful people and things that flow through my life every day.
I am so grateful for the abundance in my life. Friends, family, fun things to do, interesting things to see, and so much luxury. I'm not a financially wealthy person, but if my wealth is measured by these other things, I am one of the richest people on the face of the earth.
November draws to a close. I didn't write the Great American Novel this month, but I did start this blog. I was fired from a job, creating new opportunities. I did not get a job I really wanted, but upon reflection, I need to spend some time in reflection. It is good I didn't launch into a new full time job just now. I worked hard, teaching, organizing, doing and wrapping up my (almost) former job, struggling with my health, questioning some relationships. November was busy. And intense.
This weekend began a time of reflection for me. I plan to spend the month of December working enough to support us, myself and my children, writing as much as possible on this blog, and reflecting. I've faced challenges my whole life. All of us have to one degree or another. This weekend I am clear that it is time to reflect and see where my focus needs to be.
It seems that for the last few years, my focus has been on whatever fire is burning brightest right in front of me. I'm ready to be proactive again. I will be able to keep the fires at bay with the flow of consciousness that is beginning to form in my mind. Consciousness provides clarity and focus. What are my biggest obstacles? Fatigue, doubt, and fear. (Thanks, Suzanne!) Somehow, stating them makes them seem like smaller obstacles. Except for the fatigue.
So, as the winter solstice approaches, I'm going to use the long winter nights to do some reflecting, some focusing of my efforts, some mindfulness, and spend some time with my gratitude for all the wonderful people and things that flow through my life every day.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Krishna's Birthday
Today was the 60th birthday celebration for my friend Krishna. I had the opportunity to attend the Ugraratha Shanti Pooja. It was a Hindu ceremony celebrating the first half of life. If sixty is only half way, that is a grand expectation. Actually, it was a lovely ceremony, blessing and invoking the Gods and Goddesses, and making offerings. There was also a re-affirmation of wedding vows, and blessings for an by the extended family. Of course, a feast followed. It was a spectacualr afternoon, complete with the most colorful display of sarees I have ever witnessed in person!
So I was reflecting on "the first half of life" idea. If sixty is only half the journey, imagine the things we could accomplish. But, is longer better? I think not. Of course, we all want a long happy, healthy, and successful life, but I think that, for me at least, having a life mission, a goal, is what makes me a successful person. I try to work toward my goal in some way every day. If I have done something toward that goal, it has been a successful day, and I can rest easy knowing that I have made progress.
What is my goal? My life purpose? Well, it is very simple. I want to leave this world better than it was when I got here. If I make someone smile, or help someone reach a goal of theirs, then that is a success. Of course, my long term plans are way grander, but each day I achieve a small success, I feel that it is an improvement in the life of at least one person. It can be my children, a friend, a total stranger, or work on a service project that makes me feel like I am working toward my goal. It is a way to focus.
It also helps me to be grateful. Gratitude is a powerful force for change. That is a whole separate post, however, for another day. I'll close with an acknowledgment of gratitude to Krishna and family for including me in their joyous celebration, and making me think about life goals, and success.
So I was reflecting on "the first half of life" idea. If sixty is only half the journey, imagine the things we could accomplish. But, is longer better? I think not. Of course, we all want a long happy, healthy, and successful life, but I think that, for me at least, having a life mission, a goal, is what makes me a successful person. I try to work toward my goal in some way every day. If I have done something toward that goal, it has been a successful day, and I can rest easy knowing that I have made progress.
What is my goal? My life purpose? Well, it is very simple. I want to leave this world better than it was when I got here. If I make someone smile, or help someone reach a goal of theirs, then that is a success. Of course, my long term plans are way grander, but each day I achieve a small success, I feel that it is an improvement in the life of at least one person. It can be my children, a friend, a total stranger, or work on a service project that makes me feel like I am working toward my goal. It is a way to focus.
It also helps me to be grateful. Gratitude is a powerful force for change. That is a whole separate post, however, for another day. I'll close with an acknowledgment of gratitude to Krishna and family for including me in their joyous celebration, and making me think about life goals, and success.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Finch or Falcon?
Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my cancer surgery. I celebrated by going to work, picking my children up from school, doing the homework, dinner, etc. thing, and then attending a lecture. It was simply, living my life. A fabulous way to celebrate being alive. I have overcome, or learned to live with multiple health challenges in my life. Mostly, I take it all in stride and keep on moving.
Monday, I visited a friend who is in the hospital. I think of her as a strong, confident and successful woman. I admire and look up to her. She is my friend, but also a person who's grace and sense of style I try to emulate. However, she has had multiple health challenges too. Seeing her in the hospital, put her in a different perspective. The image I had of her was that of a small bird who was fluttering around, trapped, and frightened. It made me wonder if that is how I appear when I am in a similar circumstance.
I remember, when I was hospitalized during the discovery of my cancer, my vision was very specific. I could actually see myself sitting on my couch enjoying being surrounded by family, enjoying Thanksgiving. I did make it, and was released from the hospital two days before the holiday. Yes, I had 32 staples running the length of my abdomen, but I was there, alive. I was physically weak and mentally strong. I knew that chemo lay ahead at that point, but I was already looking beyond.
Tonight I had a conversation with my son about goals. Setting goals, achieving goals, motivation...Are goals the difference between successful people and those who only get by in life? If you have a clear idea of where you are headed, then it follows that everything you do moves you either closer to or further from the goal. My choice is to keep moving closer, even if it is a few steps forward, followed by a few steps back.
People my think I'm unlucky, or overly challenged in life, but I don't view myself that way at all. Yes, I do have some big-time serious challenges but that is not what defines me. I am defined by my interests, my passions, what I do, and the person I choose to be--a successful one who plans to leave this world better than it was when I arrived--hopefully at some point FAR in the future. I picture myself as a strong soaring bird, free to determine my own course. I can adapt to what is thrown at me.
Monday, I visited a friend who is in the hospital. I think of her as a strong, confident and successful woman. I admire and look up to her. She is my friend, but also a person who's grace and sense of style I try to emulate. However, she has had multiple health challenges too. Seeing her in the hospital, put her in a different perspective. The image I had of her was that of a small bird who was fluttering around, trapped, and frightened. It made me wonder if that is how I appear when I am in a similar circumstance.
I remember, when I was hospitalized during the discovery of my cancer, my vision was very specific. I could actually see myself sitting on my couch enjoying being surrounded by family, enjoying Thanksgiving. I did make it, and was released from the hospital two days before the holiday. Yes, I had 32 staples running the length of my abdomen, but I was there, alive. I was physically weak and mentally strong. I knew that chemo lay ahead at that point, but I was already looking beyond.
Tonight I had a conversation with my son about goals. Setting goals, achieving goals, motivation...Are goals the difference between successful people and those who only get by in life? If you have a clear idea of where you are headed, then it follows that everything you do moves you either closer to or further from the goal. My choice is to keep moving closer, even if it is a few steps forward, followed by a few steps back.
People my think I'm unlucky, or overly challenged in life, but I don't view myself that way at all. Yes, I do have some big-time serious challenges but that is not what defines me. I am defined by my interests, my passions, what I do, and the person I choose to be--a successful one who plans to leave this world better than it was when I arrived--hopefully at some point FAR in the future. I picture myself as a strong soaring bird, free to determine my own course. I can adapt to what is thrown at me.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
More Than a Stream of Consciousness
This week, I had the opportunity to hear Scott Harrison speak. He is the founder of charity: water. I have, at various times in my life, wanted to work on clean water initiatives. The statistics are staggering. There are over a billion people in the world who don't have access to clean water. Their drinking water is unsafe. The very thing needed to sustain life, can end life instead. Women and children are not educated, because they can't go to school. Fetching the day's water for the family takes too much time. Walking miles with heavy containers, quite literally, breaks the spines of these people.
However, this is not the focus of this post.
It has been frustrating to me that every time I think that I am really going to do something, besides donate a little money, to be involved in clean water efforts, something in my life interrupts me, and stops the flow of energy, of passion, my need to leave the world better somehow than it was when I arrived.
Cancer, bad health, dishonest husband, bankruptcy, moving, divorce, being a single mom of 4 children, transitioning from home schooling to having all my children in school--life's bumps in the road. However, it was the latest blip than made me feel the need to take stock of things, and to finally pursue some things I have been wanting to do.
So, now the point of this post. (And you thought from the title this was going to be more than a stream of consciousness!) I have been talking about writing forever. However, successful writers all have one thing in common. They write. I'm done talking, I'm writing. I'm not quite sure how this will take shape, but I have a lot I want to share, so this will be a journey of discovery for me, and hopefully some entertainment for you, my readers.
Welcome, as we together navigate the babbling brook, or rushing river, that is life.
However, this is not the focus of this post.
It has been frustrating to me that every time I think that I am really going to do something, besides donate a little money, to be involved in clean water efforts, something in my life interrupts me, and stops the flow of energy, of passion, my need to leave the world better somehow than it was when I arrived.
Cancer, bad health, dishonest husband, bankruptcy, moving, divorce, being a single mom of 4 children, transitioning from home schooling to having all my children in school--life's bumps in the road. However, it was the latest blip than made me feel the need to take stock of things, and to finally pursue some things I have been wanting to do.
So, now the point of this post. (And you thought from the title this was going to be more than a stream of consciousness!) I have been talking about writing forever. However, successful writers all have one thing in common. They write. I'm done talking, I'm writing. I'm not quite sure how this will take shape, but I have a lot I want to share, so this will be a journey of discovery for me, and hopefully some entertainment for you, my readers.
Welcome, as we together navigate the babbling brook, or rushing river, that is life.
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